I do not like those dogs that bark
As I walk past along the road
The yappers, woofers, ruffs and yelpers
I don’t consider them my helpers.

All I want is exercise
As I walk past houses, schools and farms
I’m happy to slip quietly by
But there go all those dog alarms.

Nine out of 10 are firmly fenced
A noisy bother, but no threat.
This morning’s walk was different,
One bark got closer, closer yet.

I turned to see a big young mutt
Making a beeline for my… backside
I raised my arms and hollered, “No!”
He stopped, and I resumed my stride.

Then, here he came. I turned again,
and ran at him, arms raised and yelling
The wheels turned in his doggie-brain
And he ran home, or there’s no telling

How that meeting might have ended.
Perhaps he sensed I had a plan
Maybe he knew what I intended
A way to handle dog-on-man.

I’d pinch his lip into his teeth
So when he started biting me,
His bite would only cause him grief,
If that didn’t work? I’d try Plan B.

A ninja thing, or maybe just
A choke-hold on his doggie neck
And hold it as long as I must
‘Til sleeping put his bite in check.

And then I’d stop — no need for spite
He needs to wake up and recall
That chasing humans just ain’t right,
Unless you’ve got a bird or a ball.